# Live Dedication #
I know things hasn't gone right for the past few weeks or so. I'm trying to make it right for you. But it seems that whatever i say is wrong to you. But its okay. I'm used to it. Everybody does that to me. :)

Right here, right now, i would like to make and open dedication to my beloved hubbie, Monster Lee. Baby sayang, i'm sorry if i'm not sucha good wifey. i tried my very best. but it just seems that i'm not good enough for you. Each passing minute i loved you more and more. Each second that is gone i longed for you to be here with me. But i know i can't have that. Will never be able to have that. But its ok. i'm still smiling.

To know that i've broken so many hearts. Shattered so many dreams. Hurt so many people including you. i know its time to stop doing so. I tried to make it right again. but it seems that its of no use.

Forget about all that. Now i would like to wish you a happy birthday sayang. may all your dreams and wishes come true. muackz. i love you.

#Smaragdos Calendula#
#i'm sorry for hurting too much#



# Bear in Mind #
Keep This In Your Head Kay.
I WILL Leave This House One Fine Day.
I WILL Bring Akid Along With Me.
Don't Like Me Around. Say It.
I Can Jolly Well Fuck Off.
Don't Have To Show Your Temper And Your Fucked Up Attitude.
I Don't Need Your Tantrums.
I Don't Need To See Your Fucked Up Face.
I Don't Need A Fucked Up Person To Babysit My SON.
Thanks A Million.
I'll Be Out Of There Before You Even Know It.
Cheerious.

#Smaragdos Calendula#
#Be Going To Stay On My Own Two Feet With AkidLove & Hubby#



# Forever After #
Monster & Shahidah : 160206
Monster & Shahidah & Akid : 070308

BabyLove, I love you alot. I'm sorry for being so hurtful sometimes. I know you're trying your best to make it up. I know you're working your fingers to your bones to save up the money to take me and Akid away. To live together as a happy family. I understand. We promised forever after. And we're not gonna let anybody stand in our way. We are gonna be together.

Each passing second, i love you more and more. Each passing minute i want you more and more in my life. I know of your past mistakes. But i've forgiven you for that. And i hope everybody else too.

I can't live my life without you. I need you. Akid need you too. And you promised us that you'll be back with us soon. And i'm putting in faith in that.

We've let go of each other before. But it just proves that we can't live without each other. People say if you love the person dearly, you gotta let go. if he/she comes back, means you are meant to be. And i know we ARE meant to be together. Even if the world is against us. I don't care. I know you've changed. And i thanked god for that. Let us work together for our future. Just the 3 of us.

Love you loads.
Muackz.



# Update #
This is really really shitty. When you told me you'll msg me later, i expect a msg from you. But Noooo... The whole fucking night was waiting for your text to come in.. But none did...

Woke up in the morning to check my fone.. but to disappointment, no text msgs at all... How long do you expect me to wait..? 3 or 4 months for a stupid text msg from you?

When i blow up, you say i'm always angry at you.. I'm always fucking you up.. but you never think k.. Its your mistake.. You say you'll msg.. but you didnt.. and you'll give excuses like you're too tired to check your fone lah.. straight sleep lah.. macam macam...

Its harder and harder to trust your werds these days.. You say you're gonna take me and Akid away.. but you've been saying that.. but no actions.. You say you won't do it again.. you will reply all my msgs.. But No..... You didnt.. WTF seriously...

I'm fucking disappointed + fucking mad + fucking stress + fucking frustrated + fucking upset = want to blow up...

Really really... You said you've changed.. But how come i find it so fucking hard to believe some of the words you said? The more pics of you i saw in the Net.. the more pissed off i become... Please uh baby...

Stop the bloody nonsense..
Really...



# Dusty Blog #
Its been a long time since i last updated this blog of mine.. Finally managed to log in here.. After so long trying to get the password.. Very dusty blog.. very dusty indeed..

In So much pain right now. Holding back all the agony.. Trying to keep it all inside.. Ignore the pain.. But its so damn hard.. I need to get it out of my system in order for me to be working as per normal again.. haiz.. Its making my worklife at stake..

Baby Love is so busy working currently.. Will only see him next week again.. Some more next week he reservist.. walaowey.. sianz.. Plus the more i think about him going overseas, the more i miss him loads.. the more i cannot live without him.. haiz..

AkidSachok is getting bigger by the moment.. Smart and GoodLooking.. Very outspoken.. Each and every single day i prayed to god to allow us three to be together as a happy family.. i can't wait for the day to come..

Will update again later..

#Smaragdos Calendula#
#Forever i'm in love with you#