- here to confess -
ntg to say.
im just overjoyed.



haix..
i wonder why things are this way. Everyday that passed by just seem to go slowly.. Everynight i think to myself.. I ask myself why i let things be this way.. Why didnt i do something about it.. I keep asking myself why.. But i just can't find the answer why..

People keep asking why i still keep my feelings for him.. Why i still keep my deepest love and trust for him.. Why i still put high hopes on trying to get back together when he obviously doesn't want to.. Why i still case about him and his welfare..

Everytime people asked me that i can't seem to have my answers ready to shoot them back right in their face. I eventually turn blank.. I don't know why.. Haix...

I still love him. And yes i still put hopes on going back with him together.. But all i know he doesn't want to.. He already found someone to dote on and love.. Someone who is ten times much better than me.. In every angle.. Haix.. I don't know la..

Every night i cry myself to sleep.. I keep asking why.. I keep punching myself.. I keep hurting myself.. But i just can't feel anything.. I just feel numb.. I lost myself.. I really have.. I don't even know what to do anymore.. I'm fucking lost.. Ever since that day.. I turn into a walking dead person.. Everyone always caught me always in a daze.. I just can't do anything right anymore..

Baby, i would do anything to get us back together.. Even if it takes my life away.. I just want you back.. I want us back.. Like before.. Those happy times.. No matter what, i still love you.. Deep in my heart i know that we still can have a second chance to be together.. And i have faith in it.. Take care..

And oh anonymous, why not YOU fuck off MY life.. What i feel don't fucking disturb your life.. So.. BUG OFF MY LIFE AND STAY FUCKING AWAY FROM ME BITCH!

Ciao everyone.. Goodnight. Take care...



truth is...
truth is...
I still care..
I still miss u alot..
I still think of u every sec that passed by..
I still wonder about u..
I still look thru our picture perfect moments..
I still write my thots out..
I still went thru our memories countless times in my head..
I still dream of u..
I still wana be with u..
I still wana go bck to be with u..
I still wished that i didnt fucking stupidly call it off..
I still wished that i could turn bck time..
I still wished that i could make things right..
And of all, i still love u alot like the way i've owaz did..

Baby, i miss u. I nid u. I love u.

I want u bck.. ='(



= werds from the heart =
i dun understand why someone try so hard to impress one another esp if you know i'm not up for anotha relationship. apart from wanting to be with him.

he don't bring me roses anymore, he don't. But somehow, what impresses me the most, of how he show his umpteen sincereness. He knows me well, through the language of silence. He knows when I'm alright, and he knows me when I'm not. Even when so many times, I turned my back on him, he don't give up on me that easily although he said he had.

Strange it may seem, of how we fought so much and ended up piercing our hearts...he still be there for me. And for that, a million and million of roses can never compare to how sincere he is. But he does know that i love roses.

A man can give you a dozen roses, and confessed with those three words. But woman always questioned their hearts, because woman hardly feel secure. And they start asking about their sincereness.

He, could make me smile even with the most stupidest lamest things he does. With his favorite word; "cuuuuuttttttteeeeeee", I really miss listening to that if he's away. What more to the sacrifices he made. He, always worry alot about me. Till when he hears no news about me, he started to shiver. He, always make sure I get my dinner at his place or somewhere else before I head back home. He, smells so good even when he don't take his bath. Random. He, is always strong inside because deep down I know of how he was suffering and how hurt he have been, he doesn't give up.

I don't know why he still loves spending scary time alone at night. Maybe its just his nature being. He, who even shed tears for me. He doesn't wanna lose me because he'd knew I could never make it on my own. Unlike other guys, he always give me emotional support and endless advices till sometimes, I am the one who's tired of listening. Ok, sorry. He, loves me for who i am. I dont have to dress up or look nice to impress all the time, he take me for who I am.

You, I want to tell you that you still makes my heart beat faster everytime you call, you text and everytime we meet. I don't know why I still have butterflies whenever we meet.. And I admit i still adore and love you. I admit, theres still alot of akwardness between us, but baby, I love you.



= recents =
went out with workmates on sat.. me, mummy beatrice, remy, kelvin and mr handsome, tarik.. crash in a hotel room.. all 6 of us.. we laugh, played stupid games, laugh til our tummy cram.. drink race.. tell stupid ghost stories.. and eventually all fell asleep..


had a great time.. tonnes of laughter cause of tarik's stupid games and his facial reactions... hey tarik, i still can't forget ur face sia.. haha.. anw, we were telling ghost stories la.. and pls la.. its at ard 5 plus in the morning.. it was tarik's turn to tell.. so off he go.. telling about his experience... end up he got so paranoid, he told us "ok guys, dun freak me out. im gona piss with the door open.." and guess what, he really did.. me and the rest laugh out so loud, the next door knock on the wall... haha.. yea, we made tonnes of noise.. i can tell the neighbours find it hard to sleep.. haha..


anw, here are the two pics of me and junior.. recently taken...






dun mind me face.. was pretty shag.. after work dok...






baby love at 4months... and yea. he's pretty NOISY now...


tatz it for now.. im shag.. see ya around..


"remy! next outing biler??? aku rindu la nak hang out ngan korang lagik.. meh kiter buat drink race lagik..!!"


-shasha-
ps: imy boy.
080708



= updates =
just finish work.. n now junior is sitting on ma lap.. will post pics of him up soon.. wen i got the time..

work haf been superbly busy lately... with the amount of shit outside work that i haf to handle.. all i can say is "fuck... gimme a break.."...

i nid a time out.. again.. 2 days back, went to balcony again with 3 friends.. laugh alot about every funny things that we talk about.. some sort celebrate remy's bdae... bought him drinks.. so i guess i did my part and cheered him up a lil bit.. we're hanging up again soon..

had a great time releasing stress with buddies from work.. but in my heart i was really hoping he could meet up.. but i noe he's working and he got his own things to settle.. so yah.. let him be..
all i can say is i miss him..

cheers to everone i noe.. next booze, sundae!