why is everything happening so fast? dun you feel that time is moving so fast that everything happen in a blink of an eye..
two years passed.. and i still think of you.. (hey, peeps, dun think wrong k.. most of you might think i'm talking about ex-boyfrens, no. its ma late cousin)
why isit it took so long for me to realise that we're related? why isit when its too late then i knoe? why didnt't i realise that we had that blood-related family ties? till today, i still think of you.. i still speak about you.. i still say your name.. it remain fresh in ma head.. whatever happen that night, it still remain as a scar in my heart.. i could never forget.. i'm sorry.. i tried..
i still hold that book of mine.. the one you touch and play around with for the final time.. that day, you just finished your N level oral.. you and the 3 other boys came disturbing me at study corner, telling me all about your oral.. As i listen, i noticed you toy around with my maths book.. Twirling it on your finger.. And i never thought that would be the last i saw you.. alive, that is..
i still can't forget.. i tried and i tried.. But i failed.. i'm sorry.. i cried my soul out when the news was broken to me that afternoon.. i wanted so much to see you that night.. to really prove that you're gone.. but when i got to your house with some other friends, we were told you're at the hospital.. Still trying to find the cause of your death.. i was devastated.. i wanted to hug auntie when i saw her crying helplessly, but i hold myself back.. coz i know i can't control my tears any longer..
i came back the next day to say my final goodbye to you.. i still remembers how much i cried.. i still can't forget.. i still miss you till today my dear cousin.. i still dream of you sometimes.. i still pray for you.. i'm not perfect.. but i still try to let you go.. i'm sorry..
Al-fateha to Arwah Md. Hazwan Bin Hamzah 14 Nov 1989 to 14 Aug 2005 i miss you dearly, may you leave us in peace and rest peacefully in the other world. Amin.
shasha - 130807 - 9.19pm
the path i've chosen ;
5:29 AM
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
- tears of a lover -
Where did it go wrong? Why is this happening again? I'm sorry. But i just can't stop thinking and crying.
i love you alot. i keep telling myself that this is not happening. But the more i tell myself that, the more i breakdown. I tried. I tried. And i tried. But the more i try, the more i cry.
Tell me. What isit that i'm short of? Beauty? I noe i'm not one of those pretty chicks out there. I dun belong in the pretty or good-looking catergory. i dun belong in anything. What am i lagging of that you've been wishing secretly that i have? Affectionate love? Soft-heart? No-anger? Tell me what do you want. I'm not good enuf? I'm not nice enuf? I'm not patient enuf? Tell me.
Baby, i love you alot. I dun wanna lose you. I totally trust in you. Totally. 100%. i give you ma utmost respect. i spent all my time with you. i shower you with love and care. i respect you. i try to take care of your heart and feelings most of the times. I never play your back. I never play you out. I never backstab you. I never lose my trust in you. Not once, not before.
I dun wanna feel numb anymore. I dun wanna be cheated on anymore. Enuf of what those jerks did to me enuf to kill me entirely inside. i love you for who you are. But i jux got enuf of having to be push down my face into the dirt all the time. Its not that i dun understand your lifestyle in the past. I understand you do have freak fans and you got the kids to look after. But i'm honestly still trying to hold on and totally understand that i need to share you with millions of them out there. Pls understand that sometimes i do get jealous but thatz coz i love you and am afraid to lose you.
Forgive me for not telling you this. I cry some nights to ease the pain in me. All the pain that i've been keeping in for so long. Its not about bringing up the old stories. But its about the incident that is totally fucking same. I can't be living my entire life with you with this fucking incident occurring over and over again. pls do look into my eyes sometimes to realise that i'm hurt. I noe and trust what you say. I noe you say you wouldnt want others. I believe in that. i noe you say for what fuck you msg other girls. I believe in that. You said its others who uses your fone. But why? I thot they have their own fone? Tell me. Why? Why is the world insisting i undergo this fucking thing over and over again? I'm hurt enuf. Pls stop.
Tears keep on flowing but i try not to when in front of you. you hate to see me cry. you hate to see me angry. you hate to see me throw tantrum. you love to see me smile. you love to see me laugh. But i ask you now, when is this shit gonna stop? can you tell me? i doubt you can. Coz all i noe and understand is that a ladies man will owas stay as one. i understand b. But no matter what, i wil still love you.
i swear on my life, my soul, that i'll love you till the end of time. Coz i noe i never gave up on you no matter what. i was there when you needed someone. Everyone say, even you say to me right to my face, love needs sacrifies. I vowed to you, you may have your freedom back. And i'll promise to talk things over from today onwards. Maybe i'll still keep on crying. Only you'll understand if you really see thru me darling. i love you my dear husband. muackz.
i'm not perfect, but i will try to be. gdnite. 1.21am
the path i've chosen ;
9:46 AM
IN LOVE WITH U
Smaragdos Calendula
29May1989 <3
wants: Class 2B/3 license
Mail me at : ladyinblack1602@yahoo.com.sg or sayang_shasha@hotmail.com
[MY SPECIAL LOVE]
Junior a.k.a Akid <3
Notes from the heart
in whatever ways u take, i still choose a different path..
in whatever speeches you said, i still be the opposition..
in whatever ways u react, i still react differently..
but amongst all the things i might be able to say,
i can't lie that I LOVE YOU.
Before, now and forever after.
6th June ~ BKUK 2nd Bdae
8th June ~ Iraah Baby Bdae
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CREDITS&SHOUTOUTS
Do not remove anything from this area. Thank you.
I won't budge anymore. Enough is enough. You've created enough breakage in my life. You've shattered my dreams. You've destroyed my happiness. And i sure as hell know you're with someone new out there. You can try to lie, but you know that i know all about it. So good luck in trying yeah. :)
