Friday, July 27, 2007
- la la la la -
currently, i'm sick..!! argh... haix.. but nvm..
doc says i'm having stomach flu.. again.. haix..
the last i had stomach flu is when i was in sec 3..
i tell you, the experience sucks to the max..
try imagining throwing up every half hour to 1 hour..
but the stupid part is that there's nothing to throw up..!!
imagine how aching your stomach is after forcing itself to throw up..
ok ok.. too much info.. enuf about it..
anw, today is 27 July 07..
my 2nd anniversary with my syg..
long story.. lazy to tell..
syg, tis song is actually for you..
i totally fell in love with you the first time i saw you..
well, though it took me 5years to find..
and finally saw you at our workplace..
i was delighted i came to work and knoe you..
i love you alot ever since...
my love grew stronger for you everytime..
though we might have many recurring fights..
we're still standing strong together...
coz we knoe, we're true to each other despite having ppl trying to break us up..
i never felt safe with anyone else before..
i never feel so in love before..
but i noe, i never wanna this feeling to disappear..
i want this feeling forever..
forgive me for all the harsh things i've ever said...
forgive me for all the hurting things i did..
forgive me for all the tears i caused to flow..
forgive me for all the fights that i've caused..
forgive me for being bad at times..
forgive me for not being there at times when you needed me..
finally, forgive me for this..
i can never ever let you go darling..
i swear on my life..
i love you till the end of time..
you're the best and the greatest for me..
you're ma sunshine..
you're ma lover, ma soul, ma life..
you teach me right from wrong..
you scolded me whenever my moodswings goes uncontrollable..
you noe whats best for me and whats not..
you noe how to take care of me..
i love you alot..
muackz..
thankiew for being a part of me, past, now and forever..
words i'll never forget:
You might not be perfect in the eyes of public, but in my eyes, you are..
i love you alot, i cannot let you go.. i don't want other girls except for you..
i love you alot, remember that..
i'll remember that for sure, till the end of time..
-shasha-270707-
6.50pm
the path i've chosen ;
3:31 AM
Friday, July 20, 2007
- i miss this fella -
i miss this guy in the centre of the pic..
ma closest brother i ever had..
i wonder how he is now..
the last i saw of him, he had that cast on his leg..
hope he's okay..
i miss him alot..
-shasha-
the path i've chosen ;
5:17 AM
- original poetry -
= Goodnite Kiss =
I don't know what it is about you
that always gets me this way.
But every time I see you sleeping
with your eyes fluttering gently
and your smile so warm and inviting
something deep inside breaks down
something frozen within melt
sand washes away everything that's wrong
with the world as I know it.
For a brief moment the universe is perfect
and I feel I can do no wrong.
As I watch you clutch the sheets around you
pulling them warm and tight to your chin
I can find no fault in my life in the paths I have taken
or the decisions I have made.
I know that if my life were to end here and now
I would have reached the pinnacle of happiness
and perhaps some kind of deeper truth.
Because as I watch you sleep your perfect sleep
the sleep of the just
the sleep of the great
I know that even when happiness eludes my heart
and it seems the Gods are out to get me
that I can always borrow a smile
from your perfect dream
and a glimpse of a better world
in the reflections behind your fluttering eyes.
-monster-
-July 2006-
the path i've chosen ;
12:39 AM
- friendster -
NO MORE FRIENDSTER..
YEY.. NO MORE STUPID HARRASSMENTS..
NO MORE CRAZY STALKERS..
MORE LIFE NOW.. HAHA..
MUACKZ...
the path i've chosen ;
12:00 AM
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
- tell me it hurts -
i noe it shouldn't have turn this way.
i'm sorry.
if you didn't see it, i guess i should let you noe.
i'm losing control.
i'm going crazy.
all this sudden mood swings is driving me insane.
all this fights is driving me mad.
i'm sorry i can't stop it from happening.
i'm sorry i couldn't be perfect.
i'm sorry i caused too much stress.
i'm sorry for hurting you.
for all i noe, i'm hurt too.
by all this mess.
i duno what to do.
i kept trying but i kept losing it too.
i duno what else to do.
haix.
baby, all i ask for is forgive me.
i'm so afraid of losing you.
i love you alot.
i'm sorry.
i really am.
the path i've chosen ;
10:27 AM
Monday, July 16, 2007
- tears -
i just wanna cry.
='(
the path i've chosen ;
11:52 PM
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
- its happening again -
the question is "why the fuck can't you leave us alone?"
I thought it has already ended. But i thought wrong.
Why must you come back to destroy us when we've done nothing to you.
Why must you wreck my future, my family, my life?
Why can't you just fuck off and get lost?
it hurts alot to knoe its happening again.. for days i think about this and i'm never turning my back against my family.. to knoe you bitches are doing it again, i have never ever counted you in as my family.. why can't you just leave us alone? don't you noe what you're doing is a sin? why don't you just come back to the right path and do the right things.. people might start liking you for it.. but if you continue doing this, i swear i won't let you rest til you give up your stupid shit issues you have against us when we've done nothing..
it hurts to think how would i live through this.. how would my family live through this.. how would my family have to go through this again.. how would the lives of my generations to come be.. what the fuck do they want from us?
baby dear, i dun want to undergo this shit my entire life.. i want us to live as per normal like all other people do.. why can't we just live normally without all this shit? why? everytime i think about it, it hurts so bad.. it just hurts.. i dun want to undergo this.. i dun.. i dun want neither of us to undergo all of this.. it hurts too many people, kill to many lives.. i can't bear to live through this again.. i can't..
='(
i just wanna cry.
-shasha-11July07-5.06pm-
the path i've chosen ;
1:53 AM
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
- we're cool -
i love you baby..
i love you alot..
now that we're cool..
we're happier than ever..
lets make the best out of everything..
muackz..
-shasha-090707-
the path i've chosen ;
11:51 PM
Saturday, July 07, 2007
- what's wrong -
what's wrong now. why aren't we seeing eye to eye.
why are we always disagreeing on everything.
what's wrong.
can you forgive me.
i dunno what i said but i didn't meant to hurt u.
i hear the words again in my head.
It hurts so much to hurt u.
it felt as if i would die.
your silence leave me broken.
each time i say something, i regret.
i cry.
i dun wanna lose you.
i can't live this life without you by my side.
look into my eyes.
tell me what do you see.
you'll see me screaming inside.
saying i'm sorie.
you're my one true love.
i never meant to hurt you.
can you forgive me.
i love you alot. i really do.
='(
every minute, i'm always waiting for your messages or calls.
no others.
i jux want you to knoe you make me very happy.
i love you alot.
i walk away from others just to be with you.
i hope you do see that.
lets not fight anymore.
it hurts so much to fight.
muackz.
forgive me baby.
-shasha-070707-8.02pm-
the path i've chosen ;
4:43 AM
Thursday, July 05, 2007
- To that girl i've been talking abt -
I dun fucking care about whats going to happen anymore..Fuck you and what you going to say in the future..Lift up your leg and fuck off my life..coz i'll do the same..and will never return to you ever again..
Dun come to me and talk about friendships if you're the one ruining it..Dun come to me and talk about forgiveness if you're the one who refuses..Dun come to me and talk about how we've been thru so much together when you're the one who left..
SO FUCK OFF..!!
oh what fuck.. lets not remain anonymous..Shasha talking about Norhafiza Bte Mohd Shah..Used to celebrate birthdays together coz her's on 29April.a taurus whose ego never made her see honesty..Ex-bestie.Stop pretending to be one.
the path i've chosen ;
9:58 AM
- from Monster & BKUK - my replies -
From Monster:
read n rmbr by heart.... i dn fuckin care hu n i don fuckin care whr... all i noe i fuckin love u till d day i die... fuck care wat dey say n fuck care abt everytin.... rmbr dat im stil here no matter wat... i been thru hell n back n i noe hw much pain u're keepin inside.... if u dn noe im hurt bad 2 bt ppl come n go bt MONSTER'S PRESENCE live 4EVER!!!!...
i love u gal... rmbr dat... i love u 2 death... n im honest abt dat.... ask bkuk n dey will noe... if u read diz rmbr dat d im here 4 u... i truely care 4 u n i understand y u take d shit ppl put up 2 u... if u nid help im here n the bkuk will b thr 4 u 2... trust mi wen i say the king cn do WONDERS!!
From Black & Ying:
monster iz here gal... dn fuckin worrie... the 1 n onli iz bck in biz... he will nt say quit... hes a strong dude n u nid 2 trust him n juz play along wif his shitz... hiz kinda strez at d moment bt if u really love him u cn c it... we r thr bt u cnt c us... we understand dat u dono us bt wen u look into sum1 eyes 4 some time u cn c d true person..
sowie if we talk alot... but diz iz d onli way 4 us 2 tel u dat we care 4 u n ur family... we r d ppl dat u cnt c bt u muz belive dat were dat...if u belive in air... we r like dat... bt we dn come n go juz like dat we will leave a mark dat d BKUK iz thr. watz diz shit abt u forgivin sum bitch 4 2yrs?? do u 1 ritz 2 do it 4 u??? cz i noe shez fuckin willin... all d best n do take care of monster 4 us wen we're gone... nt dat im sayin u didn... we appreciate wat u did 4 monster... n we respect dat... he will die 4 u n all of us noes dat... all d best frm d BKUK... Black(1st) &Ying(2nd) P..
Shasha replies.
To my loving husband, Monster:
thanks for all the things you've done for me and my family.. i love you alot and i have never ever forgotten that you've been there and will always be.. thanks for being so super understanding all the time.. i never said you lied about loving me alot.. i've always believe in that and i've always believe in you.. i've always believe in everything you do and will continue to do so till the day i die.. i've been honest, i noe you do too.. Thats why i seek advices from you first... coz all i noe you're my first priority.. you said "apologising won't kill.." (or something like that.. sowie i can't really remember).. and i did.. but i guess its to no avail.. so what i can say is fuck it.. no more.. i'm no slave to anyone.. and furthermore you told me that one day she'll realise that i've been sincerely apologising.. thanks for scolding me when i'm wrong.. thanks for teaching me the right from wrong.. i love you alot.. and pls do always remember that i never lie abt it or anything else... muackz...
To that special people of BKUK, Black & Ying:
(note: goes to all BKUK that i noe of)
Thanks for always being there for monster and me.. Though i might not be able to see you people that much as i want to.. i appreciate your help that you've been giving.. i really really do.. I do trust monster... i trust him alot.. i do noe that he's stress at the moment.. i noticed it a long time ago.. but how i still wished he tell me whats been going on in his head.. Even when i ask him, he kept saying "nothing".. i do understand that some things he refuses to tell coz he rather keep it to himself.. But all i want him to noe is that i'm here for him too.. though i might not be able to help that very much, at the very least i could hear his troubled mind.. i just dun want him to keep things from me even if sometimes the things can pretty much hurt when i got to knoe them.. hope everyone understands... i will take care of him till the day i leave this world.. thanks guys.. you've been there.. thanks..
To people reading this blog of mine:
i have the right to write whatever i fucking want.. its my blog.. bloghoppers are unwelcomed.. but if you happen to drop by and read, i'm cool with it.. but if you start to curse and swear my blog while reading, i suggest you leave the page instantly.. i dun tolerate nonsense from bloghoppers anymore.. so fuck whatever you wana say.. i'm in charge of this blog.. curse and swear all you want, i'm not taking it in my head nor am i tolerating it.. so like monster's and BKUK favourite words to say: FUCK OFF..!!!
-shasha-
-06July07-12.46am-
the path i've chosen ;
9:13 AM
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
- my lovely readers' advices -
05July07, 1254hrs.
Basil:
relax lah.
well i abandoned nearly all of sec sch frens.
nearly.
its ok lah nth wrong one.
just move on.
Apekyano:
hmmm.
shasha stop it.
stop apologising.
2 years gerl.
cukop lahhh.
dun tell me u did a mistake dattttt big.
Shasha replied: actually, no.
all in original words said my people named.
the path i've chosen ;
9:48 AM
- sad but true -
i sakit perut.
okie. not a nice way to start my entry. but wtf. i reali sakit perut.
i miss you syg. i reali do miss you.
duno how to put it in words, but all i can say is sorie. Though it might not heal the pain in your heart that others create, at the very least i tried to apologise to you. but you ignored me like i'm a piece of trash. not onie i visited your blog, i did a public apology at friendster. TWICE. You ignore it like its a piece of shit. i tag you at msn, you didnt bother to reply. i msg you at friendster countless times, you didnt reply. tell me what to do. coz i fucking run out of ideas on how to ease the pain in you. i still do miss you girl. dun put the friendship tat broke down 2years back at stake. i'm trying to put things together again. isit so hard to bring down your ego and realise i'm honest? isit so hard? so, pls do open your eyes fucking big enuf to see that im not lying to you. i never did.
to you reading this entry, pls do gimme advices. thanks a million. coz i really dunno what to do with this freaking problem which hung in midair for 2years. i cracked my head to solve it but i ended up killing myself. so, fucking tell me what to do.
tell me.
do you nid me to go down on my knees and apologise?
coz i FUCKING sure i WILL NOT.
im not your fucking victim.
-shasha-
-12.34am-05July07-
the path i've chosen ;
9:22 AM
