Sunday, May 27, 2007
the truth 2
Big girls do cry.But only after keeping it together for a long time.Big girls are not afraid to show how they feel.
270507-4.47pm
the path i've chosen ;
1:48 AM
console me.
Kiss all my anger and sadness away.Console me.
270507-4.46pm
the path i've chosen ;
1:46 AM
the truth
i knoe i never say this aloud.but mummy, i love you alot. Daddy too.i knoe i've been bad. Forgive me.
270507-4.45pm
the path i've chosen ;
1:43 AM
hurt once more? yes.
you've hurt me.. again..
i dun understand you..
270507-4.35pm
the path i've chosen ;
1:33 AM
Monday, May 21, 2007
-some people suck-
1st: some people suck..2nd: some people suck..3rd: some people suck..why i say that.. first, stop viewing my profile at friendster if you got stupid motives of disrupting my life.. you aredi noe i hate you girl, why still do it..?? stop viewing my profile.. fuck off my life bitch.. this is to a girl i hate: Nu*******. i hate you to the core..next, now who the hell hacked into my friendster account and delete all my pics..?? fuck the person who did that.. i hate you.. find me.. i'll be waiting.. i'm not happy that you disturb my life when i never disturb yours.. so fuck you..next, if you wanna view my blog, kip your comments to yourself.. this is my blog.. i have the right to post whatever i like.. so fuck off my life.. dun till i bug urs..if you got my blog url, kip it private.. i never like my url being posted out to public.. so bug off..!!-shasha-10.35pm-
the path i've chosen ;
7:28 AM
-to aishah-
to dearest sis,Aishah i known since Macpherson Primary,HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY.. MAY ALL YOUR WISHES AND DREAMS COME TRUE..CHEERS..!!MUACKZ..!!lotsa love,shasha.210507.
the path i've chosen ;
6:48 AM
-funny but eeeww-
Okies... some people have emerged out of no where and into my blog.. i got no idea where they knoe my blog url.. hmm.. anw.. lemme tell you a funny story... it happened today..Okies... i woke up at noon today.. Ya ya.. i noe people... (imitating)"anak dara kalau bangun tengahari tak bagus, reski tak masuk..." ya ya.. i noe... no nid remind me.. wei, can't blame me noe.. i sleep at 5am okies... I go bath and then make breakfast la for me and mon.. so after breakfast set on the table, i go wake him up.. he refused to wake up and say, "No password no wake up.." while pointing to his cheek.. I burst laughing and give him his usual good morning kiz at the cheek.. Den he go bath and all.. after everything, we ate la... okies... straight to the point..at around 1plus we went out to cash converters at interchange to go sell some items.. we entered and there was like around 5 to 6 people waiting.. so we took a queue number, and guess what our number is 39.. guess whatz the number on the current display? its 30..!! we was like what sia.. nvm.. we both decided to be the patient people around..then at around 2plus, this couple, or so as what i see, entered tau.. by accident when they entered, i happen to turn to the door as i was sitting beside it.. i wanted to look outside but in the end got obstructed by unwanted sight.. A girl, or so, wearing a black tube top, and a super duper mini skirt with slippers and carrying a black big handbag entered.. behind her is her so called boyfriend, a bald guy, wearing white tee and blue jeans and converse shoes.. nevermind that they entered la.. but the girl look at me as if shes gonna pick a fight with me that very second..den that one nevermind.. i can tolerate.. she look at mon as if shes flirting..!! i was like, eh fuck sia tis girl, nak mati ke?? den mon when like, "eurgh..!! b, i got goosebumps all over..." he whispered to me.. i laugh la.. forgetting i laugh too loud.. okies... here's more..den they took a number and apparently it was much earlier than all of us sitting there.. k, fuck it.. but the moment they sit, they start talking aloud.. ala, attracting attention kate kan.. they were there to sell off their 'branded' shades.. the girl say, "alah, i beli 500bucks, nanti dapat 80 jek.." (translation: "i buy $500, later get oni $80..") so, i and mon look at each other and like imitate la.. den we laugh.. den we have a chat.. talk about stupid2 stuff.. den this girl kip on going out and back in the shop.. i was like, "eh, sial ar, attract laki aku nye attention nampak..??" den mon was like,"hish, tak payah.. geli aku.." den we ended up laughing..so after that, i asked mon why he say that.. so he told me the story la.. and it goes like this..One fine day, he went to Orchard Towers to look for this guy, coz got a big issue to be settled.. So when he entered Club R*m*o, he asked for a drink from the bartender... den this chic, or so he thought in the first place, approach him saying "abang, sorang jek..?" (remember to read it with the bapok accent) mon straight away say "whoa, i'm straight bitch.. fuck off" den he go away from the club as far as possible.. i laugh so loud, that the couple look at us.. den i hug him la.. i kiz him on the cheek and say, "i'm so glad you went out of there.. and i'm super glad, you're straight.." den i went on laughing.. i couldnt stop.. wait still got the continuation...He say, till today he can still remember the voice and the face of the so-called chic... den i ask, how is the voice? and he shriek, "thatz him..!!" He meant the chic.. i went on laughing and couldnt stop.. i hug him and say, "nvm, now u with me, if she or him as you want me to address the person, try to flirt with you, she'll haf to approach me first.." den he go, "stop it sey b... you make me haf goosebumps again.." den we both laugh..imagine the guy, cut his dick off jux to be a girl.. i mean, why sey.. a girl is a potential victim for rape.. i mean girls, dun get me wrong.. we are a more weaker sex to fight back a guy's strength.. but why the hell the guy go want to be a girl..? eeeeeeewww..... geli sak aku...i think i stop abt the story here.. it may be funny.. but it disgust me as well..chiao..-shasha-9.43am--210507-
the path i've chosen ;
6:12 AM
Saturday, May 19, 2007
-swit pie-
Lets see.. I haven been recovering well as sapoze by the doctor.. but what the heck..Lets see what can i blog about today.. hmmm..okies.. i duno what else i could say or do.. i've tried to convince her that i'm sorry.. but guess she just couldn't be bothered to forgive.. never thought she would be so hard-hearted..
i asked advices from mon yesterday night.. i told him everything.. even stating what is on her blog and stuff.. i didnt make up stories though.. while talking, i couldn't help to hold back all the tears that is awaiting to flow down.. haix.. he told me while stroking my head gently, "let it be my dear.. one day she sees the truth.. one day she'll see the sincerity that you've shown for her all this while.. move on with life baby.. i'm always here for you honey.." haix.. his soothing words calm me down, and i sat quietly in his bear hug..
hmm.. i just love him soo muchie.. he knoes how to calm me down in situations like this..
i love you honey..! muackz..!!
To apek: thanks for the compliment my dear fren..! cheers..!!
-shasha-190507-
-5.21pm-
the path i've chosen ;
2:11 AM
Thursday, May 17, 2007
random updates
first of all, lemme reply to my lovely taggers...shasha.wirawan: erm, sorie but i dun happen to noe you.. do i? tag me back okies... chiao...shasha.ain: hey girl, sorie i didnt update ma blog for so long.. been caught up with something.. so now im updating... cheers..okies... now here goes ma entry for the day...basically, i've been sick for aredi 4 days..been having high fever of 38.8degrees... so, physically, i've been very weak lately.. til i can't move much.. Mon had to take care of me while he's here.. he gets ma meals ready on time.. gets ma medications ready.. tekap ice cold water on my body while i slept.. til he was so super tired, he fell asleep beside me on the job.. hehe..yes, its tatz rabak.. but i'm recovering now.. slowly tat is... i still can't stand longer than 8minutes.. coz i'll start to feel giddy-high and nausea... well, tatz life wen i'm sick...i've been online the whole afternoon, trying to get on with the posting but blogger got tis stupid error issue... now (11.48pm) den i got to create a new post...i viewed most friends profile at friendster... tag a testimonial on their profile... chat with few peeps at msn... bloghopping... talking about bloghopping... i asked from edmund, my secondary class chairman, for fiza's blog url.. well, he was kinda shocked la that i asked for it coz of the conflict i had with fiza... so he asked "why so sudden?" den i reply la "i miss her la ed..." well, truth is, in fact, i do... i miss her alot...Fiza has been my bestfriend for 3years... not forgetting tasha too... we 3 girls gone thru alot of obstacles in life... we share almost about everything.. we talk, cry, laugh, get angry, everything, together... but all of it stops when Liyana went into the picture... Ever since then, our friendship got damaged bcoz of the rumours, and we 3 got spilt up... reali split up far apart from each other...(continue.. got stopped for awhile to eat meal n medication)anw, we didnt contact for quite a long time now.. i even got so angry at her, i fucked her and told her off.. coz she kept bragging about how great having Liyana as her bestfriend... even tasha start to malas layan her aredi... a year plus haf past.. i haf to admit, it took quite a while for me to cool off.. even tasha cooled off at the same time as me.. we both was talking about fiza lately and decided to give our friendship with fiza anotha chance...so, i msg fiza at friendster but never got a reply.. texted her at her fone, oso no reply.. i duno.. i give up on this aredi... Fiza can't blame me for this.. i dun understand.. why say we're bestfriends when you jux dump me and tasha for liyana... why say we'll stick together when you won't.. somehow after all that haf happen, i reali miss you girl...i read her blog just now.. read every single post in her blog.. yes, every single one... some of which hurts me alot... never in my life i maki her or told her off coz i reali care for her.. but jux tat once after she dump both me n tasha.. most of her entries were actually saying tat she hates what i say to her tat fine day and tat she's happy with what she haf now.. after reading everything.. i find myself crying... not because i was hurt of the entries... its bedause i noe that she's gone for good... real good... i won't get her back.. i reali care for her dearly like a sister to me.. taz too... but now i noe she rather live in her fantasize world that she created with Liyana.. as what has been posted in her blog..i miss her.. the girl who i used to celebrate my birthday with even tho our birthday dates are like one month apart.. haix... i can't seem to say anything.. i lost her.. for real good... *wipe tears*i may be hardhearted, stubborn n hot-tempered chic.. but i still do haf a heart of caring for friendships and bonds... why can't she just get it over and done with..? why can't she let things cool off and start another fresh life? why is she still insisting that the friendship between us 3 are over and fuck done with.. haiz... i dun understand...Norhafiza Md Shah. 29 April 89. Taurus. ex-girlfren/bestfren.
i still miss you tho you hate tasha n me.
should i be the one apologising? should i be the one seeking for ways to mend the broken friendship? haix.... *tearing* i duno.. should i jux let go of her and the memories? should i jux forget about her? should i forgive her? should i? you tell me. *holding back tears*
next, self mutilations... haiz... as much as you people out there may hate that due to your own reasons, i hate it coz i've been thru it before... i had ma reasons...
cutting or slashing owns wrist is stupid in many people's eyes.. but it provide a sense of satisfaction to the person doing it.. how would i noe? trust me. i've done it before. not recently. but years back.
it makes the person feel better and forget the problems that the person is facing even tho for a short period of time.. it hurts after sometime.. but frequently doing it makes the person feels numb to it.. like cutting up is no big deal...
Fika, i told you before not to do it again.. but you still do it.. i noe you feel hurt.. but you made a promised.. maybe not only to me but alot others too.. girl, i told you countless times, i've been in your shoes once.. Trust me.. i'm much more worst than you can ever imagine me being what i will describe... i was much of a death person.. Owas thinking of death.. Suicide.. Self-mutilation.. Killings.. tonnes more... i noe you can't imagine me doing all that.. but guess what, thatz me, last time... i hate to open up my past but coz you did it, i might as well, tell you everything..
once i tried to jump from 13th floor at bukit batok... but was stopped by my guy.. we were arguing almost every single day for over 2 months straight... try be in my shoes fika.. what will you do... but i didn't jump...
another time i tried to jump into the river (outside fullerton hotel) after a month of depression due to family probs.. countless times i try doing it but i didn't jump... i am still sane you knoe..
i even tried to kill tis few girls who got in my way of doing something.. but i didn't.. i may look innocent girl.. but i can be vicious if i want to.. but i hide my wild side...
another time i got enuf of shit aredi, i put my pocket knife pointed at my throat.. nice spot enuf for someone to jux accidentally langgar me and the knife went thru my throat and out to the back of my neck... i was fighting, war of words with my guy.. with war of thoughts in my head... with alot of aching in my body... fika, imagine me at knife point.. but, still i didnt do it... til today, nobody allow me to bring my pocket knife with me..
fika, think... you do all that just coz you are facing heartbreaks... try be in my real shoes girl.. maybe you'll understand why i go thru life doing all that... i might be putting myself at knife point, but i'm still not insane enuf to kill myself or hurt myself... why.. coz i got people who cares for me.. people who love me.. probs come and go.. but trust me.. you're not facing the same probs that im facing in my entire life...
you promised girl.. you promised.. but you still do it.. i can't say i'm disappointed.. i jux broke down when i noe it happen again... i dun wan anymore stupid things happening... so pls dik.. dun do it again...
.nur syafiqah.
-shasha-180507-
12.51am
the path i've chosen ;
8:39 AM
