Tuesday, March 27, 2007
me selfish? i think NOT.
why do you always have to ruin my life? why do you always have to be the one i have to pay attention to? why do i have to take the responsibility of the eldest kid wen u're the one? why do you have to always mess things up? You've got the attention of everyone.. happy now..?
ppl say im selfish.. well guess wat.. i think i am.. FOR NOT SHARING MY FISTS WITH YOUR FREAKING FACE.!! Fuck you bitch.. watz the use of you working wen its always you are the one who has the shortage of money? You spent your money like water.. Now you seek 'forgiveness' from me? WTH?? Kau pikir aku ape? You should noe me.
im a hard-hearted, stubborn, angry girl.
so fuck off bitch.
-shasha-
270307
the path i've chosen ;
5:01 AM
how?
tell me.
how do you cool off an angry person whoblow up n is abt to whack u up?
how do you make things right?
tell me.
how do you calm me down wen im super pissed.?
-shasha-
7.57pm
270307
the path i've chosen ;
4:59 AM
perfectly memories
me at a wedding ceremony.. haha..
with the girl hu i used to call my twin.
taken on her bdae.. love her.. muackz..
in the tent.. at PP.. taunt with mon..wei.. dun think dirty ok.. he's inside sleeping..im just taking the shade coz its freaking hot outside..
my butt hurts after the ride.. haha..
what can you see...? spot it at ec..
this is my syg.. haha.. cute kan?
ok ok.. i dig up some 'old' pics.. found this.. tat day i taunt pat gombak with mon n jack.. pat SC.. and we were having breakfast (after bath n all la).. i drank that grass jelly drink.. n this is what happen to the bear i syg the most... pic taken by mon..
the path i've chosen ;
4:31 AM
new skin up
Yup.. as you've read the title.. new skin up..*clap* well done shasha.. haha...*bow* thankiew.. thankiew.. haha..da.. da.. merepek plak aku...-shasha-270307ps: happie 2nd anniversary baby.. muackz.. love ya..
the path i've chosen ;
3:36 AM
tell me
Hidden hurt and tears.
Tell me.
Why didnt you see it when its so obvious im breaking down?
Lies and fake smiles.
Tell me.
Why did you do things to forced me to fake everything?
Empty promises and hopes.
Tell me.
Why did you let that happen?
Stay.
Tell me.
Why ask me to stay when you ask me to leave at first?
Tears of anger and pain.
Tell me.
Why do you make me hate you?
Anger.
Tell me.
Why did you purposely make me blow up?
Insanity or depression.
Tell me.
I'm slipping into one catergory. choose. coz i'll kill you.
Unanswered questions.
Tell me.
When will all of it be answered?
Mistakes.
Tell me.
Why should i forgive you??????
-shasha-
Mood-o-meter: Fucking angry
260307
5.45pm
the path i've chosen ;
12:57 AM
Sunday, March 25, 2007
red rose
i've always love this beautiful thing called the roses.. And i've been receiving it from the one and onie husband i got.. also on behalf of the BK.. And they owas noe how to choose the rose.. the one that blooms big and beautiful.. and recently, i've received one.. on the 23 March.. So called for the past anniversary that wasnt celebrated properly.. hee...thankiew for the rose.. i love it.. i love you.. and i love the BK..2603072.40pm
the path i've chosen ;
11:36 PM
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
solemn goodbye
Its time for him to leave
its been days.. he still remain unconcious... still no movement.. nothing.. just lying there stiff and motionless.. With the help of a machine to help him breathe.. And also a detector to keep track of his heartbeat...
uncle, its been days since you fall into a coma.. why don't you wanna wake up uncle..?? All of us is waiting for you to wake up.. We are waiting for you to get well soon... The last i heard is they took off the tube from you... but nothing else...
But yesterday, it seems that another loss of family member.. uncle, you left us.. for good now.. you didnt even say goodbye.. haiz.. god must have love you more.. Guess he decided to put you out of anymore pains and sorrow all those needles and blood test they put you in...
The news came abruptly when i was lying down on the sofa, reading a book about a 17year old girl who was pregnant and days due to labour... I sat up when i heard the news.. I dunno whether to cry or to remained silent.. all i noe i was crying deep inside.. He's gone.. For good... He'll never ever wake up... He has already left us..
tried to control ma emotions that run wild.. guess i managed..but later i got another call telling me that uncle gonna be buried before 10am today... i ain't a superhero to stop all this from happening... All i could do is pray for you...
Al-fateha to Uncle Wahid a.k.a Uncle Hamid.. May your journey to meet HIM be a peaceful one.. May your sins and wrongdoings be forgiven.. Goodbye..
-shasha
12.16am
220307
the path i've chosen ;
9:06 AM
Monday, March 12, 2007
coincidence? maybe
Haix.. if you haf read the news or heard about it, probably you remember about the PUB guy who got in the accident few days back.. Thatz ma uncle from ma dad's side.. He's engaged to this beautiful lady who i happen to knoe, Kak Ubaidah.. They're getting married this 17th March.. But after the accident, it has to be postponed to another time...Went to hospital to visit him just now.. but couldnt get into the room ar.. Coz he's in the burns ward.. somekind of ICU kinda ward.. We see him through window and talk via the phone located near the window.. He already woken up from coma.. Able to eat and talk.. But the amount of hurt and pain he's bearing, its unbearable to see it.. I prayed that he get well soon.. Kak Ubaidah, sabar k.. Nie sume ujian.. But i tahu you kuat semangat kan... Sabar k... I'm owas here for you..Just only a few minutes ago, i heard yet anotha saddening news... haix.. One of ma anotha uncle from ma mother's side, in coma.. For weeks before, he's been going in and out of hospital.. Heart problem.. Now he's been in hospital, in coma state since last week monday, 5th March.. Hope he's gonna be alright... haix...What more news can i get..? More silent tears..? More heartbreaking moments..? Ya Allah, kau panjangkan la umur kedua pakcik aku yang sedang sakit, terlantar di hospital.. Aku ingin melihat mereka menerusi hidup mereka semula.. Dan untuk Kak Ubaidah dan tunangnya, moga mereka berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat... Amin..shasha signing off..120307, Monday
7.57pm
the path i've chosen ;
4:45 AM
Sunday, March 11, 2007
pics time
no stealing pls.. thankiew..
the one and only, Shasha
i love monkeys.. hehe..
you're like that fallen angel. u deceived me from the start. tell me the reason why.
the little kid in me that is shown.
i tried to fix it, but end up hurting myself more.
the path i've chosen ;
10:39 AM
sickening . fucked up . missed
hmm.. lets see.. any updates..?? well, lets update date by date...3rd March, SaturdayWork is work.. but ever since i started working, it disrupts my time with him.. i'm so sorry.. i didn't meant for that to happen... but the timing are so fucked up.. and its freaking tiring me out.. haix..4th March, SundayHe dropped by my workplace to see me before he book in.. i kinda cabut awhile.. go for a smoke or something.. hehe.. anw, we sat pat tangga, my usual spot wen i go for break.. I felt his body temperature was too hot to be true.. so i asked him go home (my house, coz he's staying over) to check his temperature since he got 45mins before he really got to be otw to book in.. so he did.. i asked him call my fone once got the readings.. And what i guessed was right, he has fever.. 42.8 degrees.. immediately he was sent to A&E Changi to see doctor n get mc.. and finally got mc till 6th march.. Finish work and rush home a.f.a.p... sayang laki mah...5th March, MondayOff day today. But was sapose to book in HQ for camp today.. But i msg my TCO and OIC that i'm not coming.. kinda last minute back out.. I rather stay at home and take care of him.. Lagipon, he's much more important than the camp.. and so i did.. we stayed at home.. he had his meals right.. ate his medications and all.. sleep more than expected.. but nvm.. body resting..6th March, TuesdayImagine seeing me with very red eyes.. thatz coz i didnt realli get to sleep... had to wake up in the mid of the night to give his medication.. standard ar.. name jugak bini... He's booking in today... Hope he's gonna be alright...9th March, FridayI was sick and tired of the workplace aredi.. so i decided to cabut.. my dad called in and say got family emergency la... den my mum called in.. den Mon came down to reason with the sales girl, and get me out of there.. phew.. free at last.. fucking racist place... stupid fucked up commission working 'standards'... was dying to get out... til i cried... heh...10th March, SaturdayKak Ubaidah's wedding was postponed.. coz of her husband to be got in an accident... read the papers.. the PUB guy.. yah.. tatz him.. n got to noe, he's my uncle... haix....kak ubaidah, sabar je la... tis all a test for u...11th March, SundayWe went out to shoot some pool today.. didnt snap pic... was busy competing with Mon... We were at Pool Fusion 2.. at Bugis.. haha.. the cafe & bar pool fusion.. tatz it.. den we went to take a stroll somewhere to relax our tired mind.... den we went home.. after he changed and all, he took a cab straight book in....And now i feel lonely... haix.. i miss him alot... I think R*** do too... i think she missed him more than i do... Mon and me had talk things out.. about stuff la.. i heard R*** teared... i told him to meet her up and talk la... he say he will, one day when he's free...She (***) came home walking so senget... like as if she's drunk or something... i look at her one kind... either she's drunk or just got raped... hope not...Somehow i feel that hes so stress up.. not about NS.. not about HTA.. not about training... but about something else... i might be wrong.. but my instincts tell me its right...[song listening to: janji seorang kekasih - boboy]i've always love you baby...
till the end of time...
1.37am, Monday, 120307
the path i've chosen ;
9:20 AM
Friday, March 02, 2007
tiring day
it has been a tiring day for me n him too.. of coz.. he's in NS.. with all the activities going on, how can you not feel tired..? aniway back to me.. i've started working aredi.. and its been tiring but fun.. i met alot of 'new' different different customers... funny ones and stuck up ones too.. annoying ones too...okies.. okies.. you might be asking why am i not asleep at this point of time when its aredi 3.26am.. first thing, ayah n mon is still awake.. they are doing something.. Oi..!! what are you thinking..!! not that something la.. its some prayer stuff.. ader la..i wasnt sleepy till i start to sit in front of the comp.. and with the surrounding very very quiet, its kinda irritating but nice at the same time.. my back hurts.. my ribs hurts.. haix... a never ending thing i guess..i think umie sleep aredi coz shes working later in the morning.. (yah.. like as if im not later in the afternoon...) adik slept at i think around 1 plus after mon asked him to go to sleep..okies... now my heart start to feel pain.. aniway... news has been spread... like everyone noes about the fight the other day.. sick sak... why not tell the whole world.. kan senang.. watever la.. say whatever you wanna say, i dun care animore.. coz all i noe, the more i see or hear about you, the more i hate you.. the more i hate you, the more i feel like killing you.. fuck it..k now my back da nak give way.. i wanna go rest.. i'll update once i get new stories...shasha0303073.32am
the path i've chosen ;
11:02 AM
