okies.. i noe ma latest few entries haf been sounding so disturbed.. but guys, pls dun get the wrong idea that he's treating me bad.. no.. that's sooo not true.. its typical you noe.. In relationship, there's bound to be fights and quarells... here's another depressed entry.. We seem to haf worked things out.. We've talked last night.. I've let out what i felt.. but there's a few things still bugging me.. but i need to tell you in person and in private.. First, i feel stuck.. i duno where to begin.. i duno where to end it.. i duno how to work things out.. im just stuck.. stuck between 2 people.. a guy and a gal.. haix.. the guy is my guy cum my husband... the girl is ma foster sister.. Look, kak, i noe you gonna read ma blog pretty often coz you want your answers.. But here's what im really feeling... You've been controlling my life last time, when the times of to which we were still very close.. coz as you noe i can get wild.. thanks.. i appreciate it.. but kak, im a grown up now.. im no more that little sister you have to protect like last time.. I noe ma life better now.. Even if i get wild, my guy is here to control me.. He noes my weakness and he noes my strong points.. He noes how to control ma anger, he noes how to stop me from fighting, he noes how to calm me down... he noes kak.. he noes... Pwincess: since when?why?wad had u promised me?
Since when, i can't answer that.. Why, i haf ma reasons kak... what had i promised you? well, kak, if you wanna dig up last time stories and promises.. i can tell you this, you broke more promises to me than i do.. i onie broke it once, which is now.. How many million times did i adviced you to stop smoking? Even till you got that lung infection, you didnt tell me straight... i still remember clearly as if it happened yesterday.. I was at the bedok skate park with Atiqah.. we were slacking.. You came to meet me.. But you didnt talk to me.. Instead you tell atiqah the news first.. and told her not to tell me.. then you walk off.. kak, you noe i had so much anger in me last time, why had you do it..?? why did you lie to me and onie try to explain things out when i figured and discovered the truth?? why?? answer me ar.. Then there's this time, you promised to give equal attention to me and the rest of you so called beloved adiks... especially Hajar.. kak.. you lied.. do you noe tat? You spent so much time with her, even when i tried to talk to you for just that moment, you rather talk to her.. not trying to sound lesbian here.. coz i an't one.. but you lied to me.. and you stop ma fight with atiqah... i shouted right at your face asking who the fuck are you.. You said you were ma sister.. but it was onie then.. after that you vanished again.. with all that, you telling me you're ma sister..?? kak, you protected me.. but you ignored me.. i dun understand.. right now, im attached.. he's my guy.. my onie husband.. my guy noes when to let me haf ma freedom and when to start controlling me when i start to go out of control.. He's strict with me.. but i still haf ma freedom.. and he keep his promises... We dun make promises when we noe we arent able to keep it, but we told each other that we'll try to make things right.. coz he noe i DUN like to break promises and i DUN like people who break their promises.. coz between me and my guy, we told each other everything.. so i told him about this... about you getting angry when you found out.. He blew up.. he got so angry, i had a hard time cooling down, so i just keep quiet and let him cool down by himself.. in this case, you guys are fighting indirectly.. and im stuck in the centre.. i duno where to start or stop.. duno what to do.. duno what to ignore.. duno how to set myself free from this sadness im feeling... i've been crying kak.. i've been crying baby.. trust me.. this indirect fight is getting me nowhere.. i've been feeling so down... its killing me.. it really is.. haix.. i duno... i feel so stuck.. pls tell me what to do.. i need time to think and sort this out.. but... baby, i need you... i need comfort.. i need ur warm hugs that relaxes me... haix.. shasha. -250107-11.49pm- = my hands are tight and my heart is not free = = set me free from all this.. = set me free kak = = help me guys =
the path i've chosen ;
7:17 AM
IN LOVE WITH U
Smaragdos Calendula
29May1989 <3
wants: Class 2B/3 license
Mail me at : ladyinblack1602@yahoo.com.sg or sayang_shasha@hotmail.com
[MY SPECIAL LOVE]
Junior a.k.a Akid <3
Notes from the heart
in whatever ways u take, i still choose a different path..
in whatever speeches you said, i still be the opposition..
in whatever ways u react, i still react differently..
but amongst all the things i might be able to say,
i can't lie that I LOVE YOU.
Before, now and forever after.
6th June ~ BKUK 2nd Bdae
8th June ~ Iraah Baby Bdae
TAGGING CORNER
CREDITS&SHOUTOUTS
Do not remove anything from this area. Thank you.
I won't budge anymore. Enough is enough. You've created enough breakage in my life. You've shattered my dreams. You've destroyed my happiness. And i sure as hell know you're with someone new out there. You can try to lie, but you know that i know all about it. So good luck in trying yeah. :)
