Thursday, December 28, 2006
. the loss of mood .
the loss of mood.. the flashbacks of total hurt... the tears of pain.. why is all of this happening..?? why are they disturbing us...?? Do they need me to give them a fucking new hobby...??for god's sake, stop doing all this shit.. you know its a sin to do all this.. why are you still on your stand to destroy my life..? why are you still standing proud that you are destroying ohter people's life to get what you want...?? seriously, im guessing you bitches don't have a better hobby to do..?? need me get one for you...?? i sure as hell can find one for you.. the perfect one...Singapore should make murder legal with you bitches around... what the hell... (to anybody reading this, its jux a way of putting my werds.. not meaning to reali make murder legal.. siow ar..?!!) seriouly i feel like killing you bitches aredi... FOR THE I DUNO HOW MANY MILLION TIMES, STOP DISTURBING MY FAMILY..!!!!!!How long more am i sapose to face all this shit...?? How long more is ma family sapose to suffer bcoz of them...?? How long more are they gonna disturb people i love and care...?? What did they do to deserve this...?? I hate people who planned out my future using **********..!! i hate them alot..!! Fuck them..!! haix....i had a tough battle yesterday... i was totally wipe out... too tired... can't breathe... i won but i lose... haix.. how long more is it to the end of the battle...?? haix... i can't hold on anymore.. i can't cling on any longer... im weaker by the day... i dun wana quit this war... i've been in it from the start.. why quit now..?? even if i haf to die, i noe i die happy and proud coz i help in this war...haix... i woke up late today.. ard noon... umie wake me up... i feel so tired... so super lazy to move around... so i jux lay in bed till around 2pm.. den go bath and had something to eat to regain ma stamina... damn irritating... i waited for his msg all night... and i receive none... macam budak bodoh sak tunggu..!! wasn't in the mood the whole day... so i lock myself in ma room... look thru books... diaries to be exact... as i read back all the contents... it hurts me pretty much... i went thru alot of shit... i've been lied to, hurt and angered... but im still holding on... coz i love him so...haix.. why did she even step into the picture tat day...?? if it wasnt for her, i wouldnt be soo hurt back then... alot of times i tried to end this life of mine.. but stopped by him... i was grateful im still alive now... coz its ma turn to live life how i want it to be... tears keep wanting to flow... but i remained strong.. why the hell i cry over spilled milk..?? useless sak.. looking forward for the upcoming future... i'm owas ready to take on challenges...-shasha--9.14pm--281206-*i gotta admit i miss u dear. but u aint here.*
the path i've chosen ;
5:26 AM
Monday, December 25, 2006
. let me tell it all .
okies.. here i am updating again.. hmm.. lemme tell it all date by date...221206, fridayHe booked out of camp at 6pm (if im not wrong..).. was sapose to meet him at jurong mrt station... fetch him la.. but we kinda got into an arguement.. so i told him i'll wait at jurong mrt station till he arrives la.. but the best part is when i aredi readi bedok mrt station, the undertunnel... he msg saying i wait for him at bedok mrt station coz his squad mate is sending him over... i said okies la.. he sleep over ma house... ok ok.. i was the one who sapose to be becok telling him about everything.. but everytime i open ma mouth to talk, he talk... kinda irritated me.. but nvm.. he sure got alot of things to let me noe.. hehe...Leman came over to ma house today.. i missed him alot.. (ma beloved cousin mah.. wadya expect?) hear him tell about his training in Brunie... i laugh hearing his stories tho im sitting with Mon.. When ma cousin went home, Mon took a shower and slack around.. but at around 3plus 4 in the morning.. we had to settle something impt... haix..231206, SaturdayJack came over ma house early in the morning... sick bastard.. den we go teman Mon go get his stuff at Beach road... Den go shoot some pool... ok ok... i aredi wrote it in ma previous entry.. Jack slept over ma house...241206, SundayAmin ask to meet Jack and Mon... i ok go one.. so i jux tag along... but the orchard got human-jammed traffic... Mon pulled ma hands around his waist so that it'll look as if i'm hugging him... jack behind me, hold mon by his shoulders...and im in between the two giants... felt as if i was squashed and will be a human roti prata soon.. i wasnt well... plus the human-jammed and plus the heat, i couldnt breathe well... almost passed out.. but i hold on... the two giants kept on tapping ma hands and head to make sure im awake.. den in the night something happen... which i dun wanna let anibodi noe.. i rather kept it a secret..251206, Mondayits christmas day... Kept on raining.. help Mon pack his bag, iron his uniform.. He polished his boots... and den we cook coz we were freaking hungry... Jack too.... den we three took train together... Jack drop off at bukit gombak... i sent mon over to cck.. met his squad mates... and some of them actuali smile... jux being friendly.. den i went home...261206, Tuesdayok ok... its countdown time to his next book out.. lets see... todae tuesday.. left wednesday, thursday and fridae.. which means 3 more days... ok ok.. now i got to go siap... need go shop go buy barang dapur..-shasha-2612063.55pm= shasha misses monster alot =
the path i've chosen ;
11:57 PM
Saturday, December 23, 2006
. all abt yesterday . 231206 .
things have change... he's in ns and im out here taking care of things around me... its hard i have to admit.. but what am i to do...? i have to stay strong.. for him.. for them.. for my family.. for my life.. oh well.. this is life... my destiny... my future...kk... lets talk about yesterday.. we went to beach road to buy his police training stuff.. so me and jack followed him.. got his stuff and all.. then we head to marine parade.. shoot some poll bebeh..!! haha.. first game was me and him.. 2nd game was between jack and him.. 3rd game was between jack and me.. the place was very pack.. alah.. say weekend mah.. lucky still have one or two tables left.. we took table 3..mostly in there are guys la.. but i can't be bothered... not interested.. what i noe, the few tables around us sometimes would sit and watch us play our match between us three onie... haha.. funny sia... ok ok... i didnt manage to snap pics of jack n him compete.. but here's mine and him...
see the pro at werk.
ok my turn.shasha take aim.
see the pro do the one cue game.
hmm. lets see how she show her stuff.
what the hell.. the ball dun go in..!!ok ok.. enuf.. everything was fun la... it was great...2412063.18pm
the path i've chosen ;
11:07 PM
Thursday, December 21, 2006
. fuck off.!!! .
i hate ppl who compare me with my fucking sister..!! fuck la.. what the hell is wrong with ur fucking head...??? never ever compare me with her... coz i dun like it... im NOT her and shez NOT me.. if she tahu jage matair dia ngan baik n not flirt around, den why the fucking hell he left her..?? bodoh kan... jgn pasal mulut badan rase sakit ar... aku jage mon dgn baik.. dia jage aku ngan baik.. mulut tu jage la sial... jgn nak sedap mengate orang yang kau tak knal... abg2 aku yang lain da pon try to get to knoe him.. y the hell u can't do the same..?? ACCEPT HIM LIKE HOW I AND THE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS OF THE WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY ACCEPT YOUR FUCKING FIANCEE... mon tak buat hal ngan kau.. kau jgn nak sedap ckap tu macam pasal dia..."belah la... jgn nak step i miss you baby.. kau masih budak lagik.. nanti macam kakak, i miss u, i miss u, lame2 terus miss.." sial... mulut tak tahu jage pe.... eh lau pompan tu tahu jage laki dia, budak tu tak lari la... jgn nak compare aku ngan dia... we're totali different persons... dia lain... aku lain...skarang pompan tu da single... dia da pon start flirt with those fucking guys out there... dgn laki aku pon dia nak flirt... sial... kau ngan dia same... mentang2 kau anggap dia mcm darling kau, pikir dia bagus sangat pe..??!! Fuck u la... i HATE u to the fucking core of this fucking werld..... kau ngan dia same sial...!!!everyone hu reads ma blog, from today onwards, aku ngan kakak aku yang sial tu, not pronounce twins animore... fuck her.. i dun nid her... she flirts with mon... mon hates her.. she doesnt noe.. n i HATE her alot...aku BENCI ORANG YANG NAK PUTUS KAN HUBUNGAN AKU NGAN MON.. CROSS OVER MY DEAD BODY IF YOU EVER PLAN TO DO THAT... FUCK YOU GUYS...-shasha to ima n syam-10.17pm211206fuck u two... i hate u idiots...
the path i've chosen ;
6:08 AM
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
. 201206 . & . 211206 .
Yesterday is very sucky for me.. Woke up to go to werk in the morning... I forgot that my dad usually bath tat time.. i jux enter the toilet la to bathe.. (ok tatz sounds wrong.. i mean dad's in the master bedroom toilet, im in the kitchen toilet..) then we two end up fighting for water in the two toilet...had to dress up quick coz its aredi 9.30am.. sapose to meet tasha at 10am.. put on ma eyeliner, face powder n off i go to werk... wen i left the house, umie fell sick... and i didnt noe about it... haix...i got to noe when she msged me in the afternoon.. she asked me to accompany my idiotic sister to takashimaya... den she say she's sick... and that she's waiting for my dad to come home den go doc... walao... the moment i heard the news.. i start to panic...i mean, i never panic... but coz it happen soo sudden, i start to panic.. i tried to act calm and relax in front of everybody... but i noe i was as pissed as hell at ma sister... i tried to get someone to talk to... but farit was the onie one available... i jux gotta let it out before i breakdown... he asked me to relax... and tat later at night he'll call me back... Which (im so glad) he eventually didnt...was sapose to meet ma idiotic sister at 6.30pm... but she purposely come late... and made me wait for 1hr.. wth... she noes i dun like to wait... and yet she still do it... tat pissed me off more.. wen we're at takashimaya, she was busy looking for bags ar... and to entertain my self and to cheer me up, i go look at the dresses... lawa sey..!! i was lighten up abit ar...wen home as soon as she got her stuff... check on umie... she looks very weak... the moment i see her, my heart breaks into millions of pieces... i suap her grass jelly... at least there's something to digest... den she starts to cramp up... lagi i panic... worst than ever... i quickly help her urut her hands to allow the blood to circulate better... i was soo freak out... everything i do was abit either too fast or too slow..tried to keep her awake... so talk to her la... about me n tasha... about me and mon... get her to get dressed and sent her off to clinic... i was super panicky... i gotta msg mon... i was hoping he on his fone.. and he finally did..!! i was aredi about to cry... but he asked me not to worie...tmr he'll be booking out.. can't wait for his return here... i reali reali reali nid him...some ppl thot my probz are nothing.. tatz bcoz i didnt tell them fully of to what are my actual probz... i rather keep it to myself... coz i dun wanna scare them away.. onie certain ppl noe wat actually happen... haix...relax shasha... 30 hours more to go... he'll be back tmr... relax... chill...btw, JACK....!!!! YOU GOT ALOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO TO ME..!!! YOUR FUCKING GIRL PISSED ME OFF THIS MORNING..!! SHE IS THE REASON OF TO WHY I BLEW UP...!! TESTING MA PATIENCE ISIT..??!! FUCK YOU LA... YOU BETTER FIND TYPICAL REASONS BEFORE I REALI GO THERE AND WHACK HER UP..!! ASSHOLE...!! CALL ME A BITCH I STIL CAN TAKE IT.. COZ I AM ONE BITCHY GIRL... CALL ME IDIOT?? U'RE STEPPING ON MY TAIL ASSHOLE... TESTING THE FIRE IN ME ISIT...?? WELL, YOU AREDI POURED ALCOHOL INTO MY FIRE AND MADE IT GREW BIGGER, SLUT...[...211206...]...[12.22pm]...baby i nid u... haix...
the path i've chosen ;
8:01 PM
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
. missing you honey .
im missing you alot baby dear... things isnt the same without you around... miss you too much... hope everythings okae there... i noe you can survived thru it... trust me okies...love you honey..muackz.. muackz.. muackz..-shasha-13120611pm
the path i've chosen ;
6:56 AM
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
things haf changed
ever since i quit scul, everythings seemed to change... i miss my frenz in scul... i remembered Mrs Heng, Section Head of Admin Dept, asked me "Did you quarell with your frenz...?" My reply was simple.. i said "Nope.. i have lovely frenz.. i have great classmates.. i have a super cool Class Advisor... What more could i ask for...?" And then she smiled..its true.. i do have lovely frenz.. i do have great classmates.. Everyone is special.. They awas noe how to brightened up the class when its dead boring.. Everyone is a joker in class.. Everyone brings a smile to everyone.. its great to be part of the fun-loving ISQ of ITE Bishan...I miss them actually...i miss the naughty times me and Chitra had.. Not paying attention to the teacher in front of class.. both of us typing and surfing away in computer class... teach and guide each other when we kinda lag behind the class in class exercises... pretty funny when i think about it...i miss the cliques too... owas together... listening to each others' crap.. haha.. sometimes we talk about our problems, crack jokes, laugh together, comfort each other... lots of laughter and joy in the cliques of frenz... i miss them..Miss helping Azura down the steps of stairs in the amphitheatre after morning assembly or during exchange of classes... Miss teman-ing her in dark toilets too.. haha... Miss our small talks and laughter... Miss talking to her jux abt aniting...Miss sitting beside Daya.. Miss talking to her in class... Miss doing partner work together with her... Miss her...Miss Shila... Miss talking to her about aniting... Talk crap... Laugh... Joke around.. Miss going home together with her.. Taking the train back to east side of singapore...Miss Zulaiha... Miss talking and laughing...Miss Ikhwan... My best buddy (for guys).. He's the person i talked to wen im lonely... (beside talking to the girls)... Miss disturbing him.. Miss talking to him in class... Miss msging him in class during lesson, when actuali we're sitting side by side... Miss going to scul with him in the morning...Miss Hao Jie... Miss disturbing him... Miss talking crap with him... msn with him in class wen we're onie sitting front and back to each other.. sick... i noe...Miss the chinese girls... Those smiles of them, owas brightened up my day when i see them first thing in the morning... Their crappyness never fails to bring laughter to the class... i miss that...i miss my crappy class advisor... the cute hello kitty obsession lady... someone who you can talk to... someone who can advise you.. duh.. dun call a class advisor for nothing... miss doing peace to her... miss disturbing her...haix.. things have changed... im out of scul.. i noe i didnt explain to most of you girls.. im sorry u guys received the news quite late... but trust me.. i didnt meant for it to happen..girls, study hard... pass with flying colours... do well... dun worry... you guys can do it.. i have faith in you guys.. have fun in scul... im sorie i didnt inform earlier... take care of yourselves...millions of apologise from shasha to you all...30th November 2006Theeba passed away... a guy from my syndicate in the 51st CLT Course... He was our big brother... the eldest among all.. He guide us well throughout the whole entire course... but in the end, he passed on in life.. he faced lukemia... but struggled to pull through... i salute him for having the strength to fight this sickness... May he rest in peace.. No more suffering for you my dear brother, Theeba... Prayers for theeba...after 301106...alot of things occured... Things between kakak and him wasnt good at all.. reali wasnt good.... things between me and him.....? Oh well, as per normal... except that hes entering ns soon... very soon... haiz... Things between me and ma parents..? no comments... seriously no comments...hmm... out for now... gotta attend to him whose sleeping now.. hes sick.. gotta watch over him... take care peeps...-loves shasha...0612066.07am
the path i've chosen ;
2:09 PM
