Tuesday, November 21, 2006
wat the f*ck is wrong

i duno watz got into me todae... im like super short-tempered... everything jux pissed me off.. even in scul the teacher jux gives the class a hard time... wat the fuck.. haiz...

my body ache like hell ever since the thing is out... the pain is unbearable... haiz... my frenz dun understand wat exactly i felt and how painful everything was... how hard i struggle to bear with the pain during the whole process.. all i noe i was totally weak like f*ck when the whole process is over... i can respond.. ma brain aint dead yet.. but im jux too weak to respond.. i do nod or shake ma head to answer questions asked by ma mum or him... but after drinking a cup of water, i fell asleep on his arm in ma bedroom... it was a pain to remember... a pain tat will never leave me forever... ma hatred jux grew bigger and bigger... ma rage is getting worst... umie asked me one question when everyone left the room after the process is over... this is wat she ask, "u hate them rite...?" and i nod.. i was damn f*cking weak to answer...

todae, i went to scul as per normal.. im glad to be in scul again... i wanna study... ive missed alot of lessons.. and im so *ketinggalan in all subjects.. wat the hell.. scul was okae... except that ma class advisor was being like a total irritating b*tch... so wat if she wears black..? i noe la she onie wear black if she in bad mood... but giving the stupid attitude wat for sia..?? luck enuf i can still control ma rage... if not, i think the chair in that comp lab will fly to her face sak... u think u onie haf bad mood isit..? F*ck u la... everyone does...

im like f*cking attitude wen i got home todae... Him was hurt by the way i treated him... i duno wats wrong with me but i jux blew up... i apologize to him after tat... i noe wat i did was wrong... im reali reali sorie... forgive me... i didnt meant fo everything to happen this way... i hate maself this few days... umie asked me again wen i got home todae... she asked, "u reali hate them isit...??" and this is what i answered, "yes i do, and i'll kill them personally if i see them outside..." umie jux kept quiet after that... haiz...

the pain u made me go thru... the suffering u made me face... the hurt u create in ma life... u added to ma rage by doing this stupid thing... i'll kill u personally... i reali mean it... f*ck u bitches...

haiz... please.. i somehow feel damn depressed... i dun wanna ever hurt him anymore... i never wanna hurt him anymore... haiz... stop this shit... enuf of hurt i created in his life... enuf i kill him inside... enuf i made him angry... enuf of me making him hate me... enuf shasha... enuf.. he doesnt deserve this... he reali doesnt.. F*ck la... stop hurting him sak shasha... stop...

im sorie...

211106
9.05pm
[song listening to: i live ma life for u - firehouse]


the path i've chosen ;
5:42 AM





IN LOVE WITH U

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Smaragdos Calendula
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29May1989 <3

wants: Class 2B/3 license

Mail me at : ladyinblack1602@yahoo.com.sg or
sayang_shasha@hotmail.com

[MY SPECIAL LOVE]

Junior a.k.a Akid <3
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Notes from the heart

in whatever ways u take, i still choose a different path..
in whatever speeches you said, i still be the opposition..
in whatever ways u react, i still react differently..
but amongst all the things i might be able to say,
i can't lie that I LOVE YOU.
Before, now and forever after.

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May 2006
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6th June ~ BKUK 2nd Bdae
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CREDITS&SHOUTOUTS

Do not remove anything from this area. Thank you.

I won't budge anymore. Enough is enough. You've created enough breakage in my life. You've shattered my dreams. You've destroyed my happiness. And i sure as hell know you're with someone new out there. You can try to lie, but you know that i know all about it. So good luck in trying yeah. :)