sometimes when i look at the photos taken, i miss those days.. how i wished i could turn back the time... but i dun want to... its great this way... well, all i can say is that sometimes things aren't meant to be as planned... thats why the best things in life comes in a package...
i gotta say i miss you so.. and that i never asked for fights and quarells... i miss your used-to-be-perfect smile that always makes me wanna smile.. i miss your laughter which always make me laugh and smile.. i miss you which brings happiness and joy to my dull life... i miss you dear... i reali do.. even when i'm sitting beside you, i'm missing you.. i noe its weird but yah... it reali is.. even when i'm sitting beside you, i'm thinking of you... how much i love you and how much you meant to me... i wonder if you knew it all.. i reali do hope so... but do you even reali love me...? i dun think so...
i never wanted these heart-wrenching cries.. i never wanted these fights... i never asked for sunshine to shine so bright.. i never asked for it all... all i asked for is you, to be with you, to make you happy, to live with you... i love you dear.. did you know...? oh well, i dun think so.. you can fuck off now.. i dun give a damn... coz all i noe, i deserve someone better.. someone better than you.. someone who really loves me for who i am... someone who can accept me and correct ma mistakes... even tho i still do treat you as ma bestfren now, i haf thrown the memories of us together... i never want to think of them anymore... you're just a fucking stranger in ma life.. someone whom i noe onie as a fren, last time and now... we haf no past together... none.. zero.. you can fuck off now...
i haf met someone new... someone better than you.. someone who would hear what i have to say and guide me when i'm lost... someone who make me smile without even doing anything... someone who can make ma day jux by me looking at him.. and his name is Monster... i love him alot and he is ma first top priority now.. no one else.. he meant the world to me... he's everything to me.. you..? you can jolly well fuck off from ma life... no more lies from you.. no more hurt... no more hatred... no more tears... fuck off asshole... i dun miss you.. i dun care for you..i dun think about you.. i dun give a fuck about you..
but...
i HATE you...
the path i've chosen ;
9:33 AM
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Living the high standards
Living in the high standard world.
Dissiplinning every slight error that occurs,
Making me feel like a fraud,
When I've made the smallest mistake.
Hating everything I like to do
Hating everything I like to listen to
Nosing around in everything I'm involved in.
Making sure its up to your high standards.
Making me feel like a simple, invisible, screw up
When I failed at something you expected me to ace.
The disappointment I see in your eyes when I fail
Is so unbareable, it makes me want to die.
Makes me want to erase myself from the world.
Makes me want to fix your problem,
In which I assumed it was me.
Your fucking high standards might show
A well mannered daughter with lots of potential,
But your fucking high standards are suffocating me.
Making it impossible for me to breathe freedom.
The only solution I see to resolve your disapointing
problems and my unreachable gasp of freedom,
Is to lock myself in my room when you're gone,
Grabbing my pocket knife from the lower drawer,
Hiding myself in the walk-in closet.
And slowly,
Slitting my wrist deep enough to cut my vein,
Making my blood pour out uncontrolably
as my eyes water in the thought that I was never good
enough.
Lying there motionless,
Thinking, "Is this what you wanted?"
15 minutes later,
When you come home from work,
You notice my stereo is on and blasting through the walls.
You yelled, you screamed and kicked the locked door,
Ordering me to lower the music.
Your expected result of shutting the music off did not take place.
Furious, you think I am simply ignoring you.
You walk away and start to prepare our dinner
While I'm lying in a pool of my blood, dead in the closet.
Although you are furious, you're worried and you check again.
Speaking in a calm tone, knocking on the door politely,
Asking me to come out of my room to talk.
You look down to the floor
Feeling like you're unable to reach me
And you notice a stream of blood coming from under my door.
You panicked and broke open the door.
Following the stream of blood to the closed door of my closet.
You open it quickly and stare down at my wrist and pocket knife.
Noticing a bloody peice of paper in my hand,
You take it and read what the note says.
You cry in an emotional wreck when you read the words
I've placed inside the note which said;
"Now that I am dead, I'm free of your high standards,
And you're free of the burden of having me as your daughter,
Now that I am gone, tell me,
How does it feel to know that your fucking high
standards have lead me to my suicide?"
the path i've chosen ;
6:31 AM
Monday, October 16, 2006
two special days
161006, Monday
its a special day for me and him.. its the day we celebrate our togetherness.. hee...
happy 8months anniversary baby...
love you... *hugs*
171006, Tuesday
To my darling twin, Tasha, today is your special day...
its your birthday...
happy sweet 17 birthday..
may your hopes and dreams come true...
love you girl...
*hugs*
171006
8.45am
_i'm sick_
[song listening to (in ma head) : Burn - Deep Purple]
the path i've chosen ;
5:39 PM
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
.exams.
exams results are out.. and it ain't a pretty sight to look at..
my heart jux dropped when i see my results..
accounting : C
office application : C
business fundamentals : C
GPA : 2.000
haix...
031006
3.15pm
the path i've chosen ;
12:19 AM
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
forgive me
onie ten werds that i can say now.. and it onie goes to you b...
i'm sorry. i miss you.
goodbye memories.
i'm sorry.
haix.
9.16pm
021006
[...total heartbreak...][...haix...]
_forgive me_
[song listening to: andai dapat ku putar masa - AXL]
the path i've chosen ;
6:18 AM
