[...tym to take charge...]
its the start of the 3weeks holidays... yes its great.. but it sucks at the same time... its gonna be a damn bloody boring 3weeks holidays... sheesh...

baby, i miss you... paiseh ar... i dun wanna get them into the picture... please.. lemme handle this problem... yes lah shez one of ma sistaz... and you treat her like one of yours too... but tiz shez within ma charge.. lemme handle this... thankiew... yes i love you alot... but tiz is within ma charge and shez one of ma sistaz... i'l handle things...

eh sis, snowice, i noe you didnt mean for tis shit to happen again... i understand how you feel inside... i've been thru it before... recently to be exact... its time for us to take the frontline once more... time to call in the boyz... time i come back to take charge.. i'll handle things from here.. you just chill kae sis... love you alot sis...

erm, my newly became sis... haha... fai... sorie i didnt answer your phonecall yesterday.. i wasn't here in ma mind... i was doin some intense thinking ar... paham2 je la..

sign off here for now... i nid to go n talk to baby...

[...12.31pm...]
...[01 july 06]...



[...doodle ard...]
there she goes again... nag and nag and nag... noisy lah cher..! shut up lah.. im sick and tired of hearing your voice already... in fact.. not only me... the whole class is except the MClub... irritating people...

here i am doin something else as the teacher nags the time away... i do my werk.. but my mind ain't here.. i miss mon.. miss him alot... i wonder what hez doing right now... i wonder if he has eaten... i wonder if hez okae.. haix... as i wonder the time away so that my time is not so damn fucking bored... my mind settles down onto all about him... in fact i think about him all the time...! haha...

Yesterday, me, him and han was slacking away at han's condo 'park'... we talk about funny2 stuffz... laugh at out own jokes... me and mon disturbs han.. and finally they sent me off to mrt station when i wanted to go home... So sweet of han to tag along... He keep on smiling when he look at me and mon.... i just smiled back...

Im looking forward to the 2nd floorball tournament today... match against ITE College Macpherson.. Shucks... i'll be playing against amira... my secondary schoolmate... shez damn good sia... nevermind.. can win... after the tournament today, im sooo looking forward to smeet mon up... we go havoc2... haha... disturb people.. haha...

hmm... i got to log off already... nid to go for my class party.. peace...!

[...i miz mon alot...]
...[28 june 06]...
[..10.06am...]



[..true enuf..]
When a GUY is quiet and is alone,
He's is thinking how good you're, he Miss you!!!

When a GUY is lying on his bed,
He is thinking deeply why he loves you.

When a GUY looks at you in your eyes,
He wants to tell you how much he loves you and how important you're.

When a GUY answers "I'm Fine" after awhile,
He is not and feels hurts.

When a GUY keep asking you the same question,
He is wondering why you are lying.

When a GUY hugs you while sleeping,
He is wishing that you belongs to him forever.

When a GUY calls you everyday,
He Miss You and wants your attention.

When a GUY wants to see you everyday,
He cares for you and want to know how are you today.

When a GUY sms's u everyday,
He wants you to know he is fine.

When a GUY says I love you,
He really means it.

When a GUY says that he can't live without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his future wife.

When a GUY says "I Miss You",
He wants to see you immeditely.

===========================================

its true enuf... tis mail reali hits me hard sak when i read it... bcz i have been thru it.. in fact, im undergoing thru it now... geez... but... i hope you'll LOVE reading it...

take care baby..
love you..
muackzz..

[...27 june 06...]
...[1.07pm]...



[...holding on...]
im sorie i talk to you quite harshly this morning... i didnt mean to... everiting doesnt seem to fall into place... you heard my cryings yesterday... but to be honest, im trying so hard not to cry... im holding back all the tearz.. im at the point of tearz aredi... but i hide those tears... i hide those sadnez... i hide those miseries.. i still put on a smile and laugh those laughters... let the world know im okae... but though deep inside, im breaking up...

i know you miss me... i do miss you too.. but i can do nothing now... coz at this point of time, im too pressurize to think about anything else... yes i do think of you.. in fact its all about you... im trying to save our relationship if you haven noticed it b... i've had enuf of tat bitch aredi b.. please baby.. think.. u had enuf of her aredi... but still you won't let me do anything about it.. she pissed you off and you can still shut up.. me..? a tiny miserable mistake made you blow your top off... what the fuck is tat sak b.. i've said it before, and i will say it again.. its time i do something.. this time, whether you like it or not.. im sorie if its goin to hurt you.. but rest assured, it won't...

take care baby... love ya.. muackzz...

[...22 june 06...]
...[10.45am]...
[...eh bitch, disturb him once more n see what'll hapen to u...]



[...darling, herez the lyricz...]
to my dear sis, nurul fairuz, herez the lyric that you've been bugging me to give you... sorie i took so long to post it in... i've lost the lyric on paper, so i hear the song and type out the lyrics just for you...

I Live My Life For You

you noe you're everything to me
and i could never see
the two of us apart.
and you noe i give myself to you
and no matter wat you do
i promise you my heart
i build the world around you
and i want you to noe
i need you like i've never needed anyone before...

i live my life for you
i wanna be by your side
in everything that you do
and if its only one thing you can believe its true,
i live my life for you...

i dedicate my life to you
and know that i would die for you
but our love would last forever
and i would always be with you
and there is nothing we can't do
as long as we're together
i just can't live without you
and i want you to know
i need you like i've never needed anyone before...

i live my life for you
i wanna be by your side
in everything that you do
and if its only one thing you can believe its true,
i live my life for you..

i build my world around you
and i want you to know,
i need you like i've never needed anyone before...

i live my life for you
i wanna be by your side
in everything that you do
and if its only one thing you can believe its true,
i live my life for you...

[...20 june 06...]
...[8.09pm]...



[...our anniversary...]
[...160206...]

4 months later, 160606, tiz day i won't forget...
not now, not ever...
it will stay in my heart and mind forever...

our anniversary is when i spent the day thinking about everiting.. everiting tat has happened between us... like what u said to me recently... we've gone thru alot of great times together... n not forgetting the bad times too.. but as what i remind u again and again... the bad times are here to test us.. and in the end makes us stronger... always remember that...

i love you alot... and nothing can ever change that... a promise had been made... u noe and i noe... its between us... love you to bitz.... muackzz...

[...180606...]
...[3.47pm]...
[...mizz ya lot...][...muackzzz...]



[...abit of tiz...]
hey there... to people who notice ma blog is super plain n black... dun 'critisize' it... coz i dun reali fancy putting up blog skins.. coz itz a super troublemaker to ma blog... coz its super irritating... but i still like to look at people's blog who putz up fancy blog skinz...

i prefer it to be black... ask anybody who knows me, they'll say, thatz ma favourite colour... n i prefer it to be plain coz itz readable.. haha.. i'll be inserting my slideshow with ma picz.. so tat it wont be too boring... yep yep...

to ma dearest platoon ic:
theeba...
i've got informations tat u've got leukemia... im very very sorie to hear that... i hope and pray that you'll get well soon... i hope to see you up and healthy again like the way you were.. coz you are super active person.. very jovial n friendly.. smart too. take care bro... i miss ya..

to ma used-to-be bestfriend:
farit...
sorie about what happen... i hope you would forgive me... to be frank, i tried to help you out... but it come to no use... sorie... reali sorie... take care...

[...09 june 06...]
...[9.38am]...



[...fucked up...]
i duno what to say... i duno what to do... i duno what am i sapoze to be feeling rite now... emotions all mixed up... but all i noe is that im feeling this rite noe... :

super pissed + super frustrated + super duper heartbroken + super stressed = feeling very very fucked up....

what am i to do baby...? tell me... how long more am i sapoze to shut up and jux look at the fucking situation... how long more should i cool off my anger...? how long more must i shut up to see her do stupid shit to my relationship...? how long more should i shut up and see her getting more obsessed with you as the days passed...? tell me baby... im seriously stressed up.. i duno what to do...

recently, i've been feeling super freaking pissed... for no reason im reali reali pissed... little stuffz can trigger my bomb off... some people haf seen me very very very quiet lately... even some asked me whatz wrong... all i noe, im reali pissed...

im super duper heartbroken... why...? dun ask me why B... ask yourself of to why am i feeling tat way... yes i noe, u never play punk wen you reali start to love someone... n i noe you aren't playing punk wif me... but think B.. why the sudden contact of your old crush...? you n i knoe she still loves you... i duno about you... mayb what i think its true, maybe not... Why still layankan when you noe you sayang me...? Fuck you lah B.. i had enuf of lies... its either them or me...

them... why i said them... its not onie her, your old crush... its her, your 'queen'... n her, tat fucking bitch whom you CALLED 'ma baby'... n her, your ex... n her, your admirer... n her, your 'fren'... n i duno how long the list is goin to be... think B.... think... put your fucking brain to werk... put yourself in my shoes.. feel how i feel... sense how heartbroken i am rite now.. yes, im smiling.. yes, im laughing... but do you think im reali smiling n laughing inside...?? NO...!! im NOT...!! Fuck you lah B.. i had enuf.. its time i made my decision n do what i haf to do...

its either they fuck off, or it'll be me... you are the one who said it to me yesterday that you dun want me to go away... then make your fucking decision....! think...! use your fucking brain...

argh...!!!!!!!!!

[...07 june 06...]
...[8.46pm]...



[...why i cry...]
hmmm... for a certain reason, i knoe some people who are new to me wantz to knoe the reasonz of to why i cry... onie people who reali knows me noez why.. now, let the new people noe...

well.... herez my say...

i cry because i'm super pissed...
because im sad...
because im scared and trembling inside...
because im freaking frustrated...
because im missing someone special...
because my heart is totali broken n shattered to pieces...
because im freaking happy or touched...
because im in love... (yeah..)
because my soul have been torn to pieces...
because i met a guy who otherz (his ex, his crush, his old flame) wantz him back...
because i fell in love with a guy (derz reasonz of to why i cry tho i fallen in love with him...)
n definitely because im hurt so fucking bad deep inside...

now, if you see me crying, you'll noe why... but truth is, the main reason of to why i cry is because im fucking hurt badly deep inside, im fucking pissed, or feel too stressed up n jux wanna break down n cry...

[...07 june 06...]
...[7.48pm]...



[...hmmm...]
okae, lets see.. i've lost quite a number of lessons lately.. why..? bcz i woke up late lah.. i seriously nid a alarm clock aredi.. haix.. now i'm being 'certified' as the cookie.. one minute, im not in class, bamm! next minute, hey, im here..! haha.. (lame..!)

tomorrow, monday, 05 june 06, accounting got mock test.. bboorriinngg..! i haf yet to study anything... and the shitty part, i haven't do my bzf homework..! shit... nvm.. later can do... thurs, 08 june 06, got accounting CA.. sux.. i dun favour CA sey.. haiyo...

hmm... to people who tries to contact me at my fone.. sorie if you msg me and i didnt reply.. or you call i didnt answer... my prepaid is low... very very low.. left onie 1 cents inside.. haha.. all thanks to my parents... humph..! nvm... i'll try to top up a.s.a.p...

if i top up, i haf to let tat someone knoe tat i aredi top up my card... budden... sheesh.. hez gonna spent his day with someone else, who apparently came down on 06 june 06 jux to spent the day with him.. haix.. nevermind.. i dun wanna disturb.. let them spent the day together...

talking abt him... i guez i haf to start changing to let him haf an easy time sorting out his prob at werk.. derz a certain reason of to why im taking tat decision... haix.. but nevermind... hate junaidi..! urgh..!! sorie B... its a risk im taking now.. in a way, im helping you out too..

well, i can't say 'it doesn't hurt to give in once more'.. truth is, it does hurt, alot... and i can't say 'it doesn't kill to give in once more'.. coz it does kills me deep inside... B, i hope you understand... i'm jux giving in once more to the freaking situation..

haix...

[...04 june 06...]
...[3.47pm]...



[...haix...]
i never thot things would go worst as days passed by.. n i never haf a slip in mind that syawal would do something like that..
the questions you asked me jux now, really made me ponder... isit true that he did it...? you look at me one kind when you ask me who was the one who leak the story out...

when i look at you, i see something rare... and theres no one who can be compared with you... theres something inside you that shines out... what makes you different from the rest makes you beautiful to me... you know how to made me laugh... you made me happy without doing anything... you've touched my life in so many ways... in your eyes i see a love so rare,
that i managed to grab hold of it... thanks to you, i can live life without hatred anymore... i never love a person this much before... and no one has ever got hold of my utmost respect... onie you... u got my utmost respect... u got my pure love... no one else has managed to achieve that from me... You kill the loneliness ever since i met you on 6th Feb 2006... You kill the hatred in me... you mend my heart... heal all the wounds... calm my soul down... cool off my anger... you're that someone special i won't be able to let go of... you're that someone whom i vowed to live with together forever... You're that someone whom i know would love me with all your heart.. i can see that your love is so pure and true... a love which i won't be able to find if given a million years.. you're one and rare...

enuf of what people wanna say about you... i know how you felt... i know how big your fire is burning deep inside... but i jux wanna you to calm down... we can settle this shit out... its now or never... yes i know of how much your hatred is for junaidi and ayie... and not forgetting raihan too... tis shit all happen ever since i joined... how i wished i could find a way to help you out in solving this shit out... i dun want ou to fell all strez out and doing all the intense thinking... everytime you do your intense thinking, you'll passed out, flat cold... i dun wan anything to happen to you... lemme do my part to help you out... pls...

i miss you alot... and i know, by won't be able to contact you for 2days straight, is like giving you a fucking cold turkey... im sorry... but i can't call you using home fone... and my prepaid left 1cents... all i could tell you is not to think so much and i'll contact you as soon as i top up my card... i know how fucking lonely you'll be these 2days.... but like what i told you
jux now.. i'll try to contact you in between times when its possible... sorie baby.. this is all i could do for the time being...

i love you alot... muackzz.. muackzz...

[...03 June 06...]
...[11.45pm]...